I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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