Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
