hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
