my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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