I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
