you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
