I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
