I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
