If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
