i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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