so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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