google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
