I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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