my shit smells like andre
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
