So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No subtext here. People are naked.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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