sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
