Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize