Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she pinky promised me she was 18
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
