so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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