Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
