I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
