no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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