So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
