Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
