Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize