You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize