There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
