new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she smelled like a LAN party
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
