What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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