she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
