Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
