Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
