mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
