im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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