you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
