dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
