Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
