weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize