if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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