Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
