so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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