some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
