I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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