I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
