I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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