he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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