Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i would punch a child for taco bell
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
