my vag is so smooth its legendary
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
