im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You are a genius and a whore.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
