I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pooping to opera.
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