East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
