one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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