He kissed a someone with a penis
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
