I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize