Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
