She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
