My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
