were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
