The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
