Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
