I must be too annoying 4 u.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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