So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
