Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
