Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
