I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She has the best kind of daddy issues
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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