Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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