Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just invented taco cereal.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had sex on a dog bed..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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