she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
