You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I see more hoeing in ur future
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