Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
