So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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