the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize