did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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