I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
