You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
