u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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